New Britney Spears Album: Coming in Early 2011

Pop star Britney Spears will release her newest album in early 2011, according to one of her producers, Dr. Luke. It will be her seventh studio effort in all.
Although her record company has not yet commented, Luke told The Hollywood Reporter that fans should expect the album to hit shelves early next year.
"She's an icon, I don't want to let anyone down. I'm excited to be co-executive producing with Max Martin, who kind of invented Britney," the doctor said.

Rumor has it Britney Spears' new album is just months away!

"She's such an amazing vehicle to getting that music out to a lot of people in every country," added Luke, who promises this will be "really good music."
Spears, who is battling a lawsuit from Fernando Flores, has to date sold over 100 million records, and her last album, Circus sold over 3.5 million copies.
Despite a turbulent last couple of years, few artists of any era or genre can match that figure. No wonder Glee did a tribute episode in her honor.
Who's looking forward to her new songs leaking early already?

Tabloid Bombshell: Bret Michaels Slept with Tish Cyrus!

Us Weekly drops a bombshell in its latest issue: the parents of Miley Cyrus got divorced because Tish Cyrus had an affair - with Bret Michaels!
Sources tell the tabloid that the rocker "got close to the entire family" in February, around the time he and Miley recorded their racy duet, "Nothing to Lose."

Tish, who serves as Miley's manager, was spotted at the Michaels' February 28 concert in Los Angeles, adds an insider, who says: "Billy Ray was completely unaware of what was going on."
Eventually, the country singer reportedly found out and filed for divorce from his wife of 17 years. He is seeking joint custody of their three children.
Reps for both Michaels and Tish deny this story, but Us Weekly stands by its family source, concluding: "It was a professional relationship that turned into something more."
** UPDATE: Star Magazine has also jumped on the Bret and Tish bandwagon.
Its latest edition quotes friends who say Tish went all out to get the rocker's attention. She “would always show up to the studio in tight jeans and revealing T-shirts and flirt shamelessly with Bret," an insider says, claiming that Billy Ray was “ashamed of Tish’s behavior and wants out of this mess."
Are you buying this, readers?

Fashion Face-Off: Rihanna vs. Rihanna

Rihanna makes almost as many headlines with her fashion as she does with her music. Okay, maybe that's a stretch, but her style is pretty noteworthy!
Never one to shy away from bold colors, the star goes went for a vibrant look - right down to the turquoise shoes! - as she left New York's MTV studios.
Then, she was blooming again in a longer, floral dress at the signing of her new coffee table book (called Rihanna) at a Barnes & Noble. Which is better?

Rick Fox Eliminated on Dancing With the Stars

Last week's shocking elimination of Audrina Patridge on Dancing With the Stars certainly proved that anyone's fair game, but still, we didn't see this one coming.
Rick Fox is out the door now.
Despite earning personal-best scores this season and tying for the highest totals overall for his individual routine, the NBA star will be watching from the bench.

Cheryl and Rick are out the door somehow. Go figure.

Despite besting Kyle Massey, Kurt Warner and Bristol Palin, who doesn't even want to be there anymore, Rick apparently didn't do it for voters. Pretty shocking.
Too bad, because like Audrina, he's actually one of the better dancers this season. He's decent, works very hard, made strides and was genuinely fun to watch.
"It's been amazing. It's been a transformational journey for my relationship with my girlfriend and with my daughters," said Rick, who's now with Eliza Dushku.
Not sure we would have been so diplomatic.
How is Bristol Palin still around? Is there a conspiracy in play? Was it a GOP wave that swept Democrats out of the House this election night? A backlash among Laker fans after Fox showed up in his Celtic-green giant outfit (he played for both)?
We may never know.

We'll miss you, Jolly Green Giant.

All we do know is that scores and performances evidently mean nothing, otherwise Bristol the Pistol would likely be on a plane to Wasilla right about now.

She probably wishes she were, that's the irony. Maybe this is reverse psychological punishment for her half-assed efforts of late. You're STAYING!

We're kidding, mostly. But you do have to wonder what viewers are thinking with these past two eliminations. They both should still be here with us. Alas.

How Did Charlie Sheen Betray Brooke Mueller?

This headline seems like a silly question, doesn't it?
After all, Charlie Sheen allegedly held a knife to Brooke Mueller's throat on Christmas Day; shacked up with a model soon afterward; and, most recently, went on a cocaine-fueled rampage in a NYC restaurant and hotel with porn star Capri Anderson.
But Mueller's lawyer, Sorrell Trope, actually cites a different reason for how Sheen "humiliated" Brooke on Monday.

As previously reported, the couple signed off on a divorce document this week that they first agreed to back in May.

Trope tells TMZ the two sides were meant to wait a year before officially splitting, as such an agreement was made because his client "didn't want to make trouble for Charlie" while he was facing assault charges.

Mueller was reportedly "blindsided" by Sheen's decision to file now and considers it a slap in the face because she remained supportive of him during last week's shenanigans.

Responds Mark Burg, Sheen's manager: "Charlie tried to reach out to Brooke and left her a message before filing for divorce.  It's a shame that this ambulance chaser is trying to drum up more business because this divorce was finalized and agreed upon 6 months ago.

"Shouldn't everyone involved be more concerned about the two young children?"

Good point, Mark. We assume you're referring to Sheen as one of these children, right? Who is the second one?

Randy and Evi Quaid Skip Bail; Nut Jobs Wanted Again After Court No-Show

Just when you think Randy and Evi Quaid can't get crazier ...
In what may end up being a very costly move, the fugitive couple once again didn't appear in court, this time for their felony vandalism arraignment Tuesday in Santa Barbara, Calif. Evi's bail amount of $500,000 was forfeited as a result.
A new bench warrant has been issued for Evi Quaid. Sigh ...

Randy and Evi Quaid insist they are not crazy.

Evi, whose probation had been revoked for her previous hotel bill fraud case, is expected to face jail time. If she ever sets foot back in the U.S., that is.
Both the Quaids accused of squatting in and causing damage to a Montecito, Calif., home they used to own. A realtor found them crashing there. Hilarious.
They are currently seeking refugee status in Canada.
Randy's $500,000 bail remains in place, because the Quaids' attorney told the judge he is required to stay in Canada until an immigration hearing there Nov. 8.
A warrant for Randy was also issued Tuesday, but held on condition he shows for the couple's next hearing, which has been scheduled for Tuesday, Nov. 16.
We'd say it's even money they don't show.
The pair claims they are running for their lives from estate planners and businessmen in Hollywood called "star whackers" who seek to have celebrities killed.
They recently discussed this theory on Good Morning America, insinuating that the "whackers" offed Heath Ledger and that Britney Spears could be next.
Not sure if a whole team of psychiatrists could handle these two.

Oprah to Air Interview With Michael Jackson's Kids, Molestation Special Back-to-Back

As we've talked about, Oprah Winfrey is airing an interview with Michael Jackson's parents and children Monday, but not every family member is happy about it.
Michael's brother, Randy Jackson, has long resented O for doing a show on pedophilia during the jury deliberations of MJ's molestation trial. Just a coincidence?
Maybe, maybe not. But next week, once again, her interview with MJ's kids will be immediately preceded by ... a special on child molestation. Makes you think.

Oprah sits down with the Jacksons. And some creepy old guy.

Oprah's sit-down with MJ's kids - Prince, Paris, and Blanket - is scheduled for Monday. The episode before? "200 Adult Men Who Were Molested Come Forward."
A rep for Oprah's production company denies this, telling TMZ that "There is no connection whatsoever between the two shows. This is purely coincidental."
They could switch it if that were true, though. Just saying. Why not air it some other time just to quiet the speculation that you're trying to send a message?

Andy Irons Passes Away at 32

With his first child due next month, surfing legend Andy Irons was found dead in a Dallas hotel room yesterday morning. He was 32.
The three-time world champion was scheduled to return home to Hawaii, but reportedly felt sick and booked the room in Texas for a night. An employee found him in bed around 10 a.m. local time.

While an official cause of death has not been determined, the surfer's family released a statement saying, "[Andy] had reportedly been battling with dengue fever, a viral disease."

Meanwhile, a quantity of methadone, along with other medication, was found on a bedside table in Irons' hotel room, reports The Sydney Morning Herald.

Rumors of drug use have often surrounded the athlete, but surfing writer Nick Carroll says he doubted any foreign substances played a role in his death.

"Andy, at times during his life, was an energetic party boy, but he really seemed to have shrugged that off in the last year or two," Carroll said. "His wife was pregnant with their first child and she's about a month from delivery."

Bethenny Frankel Leads Cast of Skating with the Stars

Are you ready to go Skating with the Stars?
ABC sure hopes so, as it will premiere this variation on Dancing with the Stars on November 22. The cast of relative unknowns will be led by former Real Housewife Bethenny Frankel and will also include:
Soap opera star Rebecca Budig; Motley Crue singer Vince Neil; Olympic skier Jonny Moseley; actress Sean Young; and Brandon Mychal Smith of Disney’s Sonny With a Chance.

George W. Bush Still Hurt By Kanye West Comments, Accusations of Racism

President George W. Bush endured a lot of criticism in his day, but he says that when he heard Kanye West accusing him of not caring about black people after Hurricane Katrina, "it was one of the most disgusting moments in my Presidency.”
It was a pretty harsh line. True? That's up for debate.

Bush taped an interview with Matt Lauer that will air on a special prime time Matt Lauer Reports on NBC November 8. It’s to promote his new book, Decision Points.
We're curious to see what his ghostwriter has to say.
The subjects of the interview were wide-ranging, but the former President was very passionate on the subject of West’s criticism of the way Bush handled the Katrina aftermath, according to quotes from the interview NBC released.
“He called me a racist,” Bush tells Lauer. “I didn’t appreciate it then. I don’t appreciate it now. It’s one thing to say, ‘I don’t appreciate the way he’s handled his business.’ It’s another thing to say, ‘This man’s a racist.’ I resent it, it’s not true.”
Kanye made news for being outspoken long before he hijacked Taylor Swift's speech at the MTV VMAs. But who knew that one line ate at the Prez so badly.
Lauer quotes from Bush’s book: “Five years later I can barely write those words without feeling disgust.” Lauer adds, “You go on: ‘I faced a lot of criticism as President. I didn’t like hearing people claim that I lied about Iraq’s weapons of mass destruction or cut taxes to benefit the rich. But the suggestion that I'm racist because of the response to Katrina represented an all-time low.’

Bush responds: “Yeah. I still feel that way as you read those words. I felt ‘em when I heard ‘em, felt ‘em when I wrote ‘em and I felt ‘em when I’m listening to ‘em.
Lauer: “You told Laura at the time it was the worst moment of your Presidency?”
Bush: “Yes. My record was strong I felt when it came to race relations and giving people a chance. And it was a disgusting moment.”
Lauer: “I wonder if some people are going to read that, now that you’ve written it, and they might give you some heat for that. And the reason is this — “
Bush: [interrupting] “Don’t care.”
Lauer: “Well, here’s the reason. You’re not saying that the worst moment in your Presidency was the misery in Louisiana. It was when someone insulted you because of that.”
Bush: “No, and I also make it very clear that the misery in Louisiana affected me deeply as well. There’s a lot of tough moments in the book. And it was a disgusting moment, pure and simple.”

The Situation Reveals His Diet, Fitness Secrets

The Situation (Mike Sorrentino from Jersey Shore) is revealing his diet secrets to Men's Fitness. In a word ... steroids. Massive amounts of steroids.
Just kidding. Probably. In all seriousness, he breaks it down for alla youse guidos out there in the December/January issue with his eight simple rules.
How does The Situation get that body?

With dedication, you too can look like this class act.

1. Drinking tons of water.
2. Eating six times a day – three meals and three protein shakes.
3. Choosing lean proteins, fruits and veggies whenever possible.
4. Getting 6-8 hours of sleep, so your “body grows and repairs itself.”
5. Avoiding simple carbs and junk calories, including condiments.
6. Approaching it as a long-term goal, not an instant transformation.
7. Making working out your #1 commitment, as it builds discipline.
8. Giving himself one “cheat day” a week when you can eat what you choose and shoot up as much HGH as you want recover from all the training.

What are you waiting for? Sitch has spoken. The ladies aren't gonna wanna smash it up unless you craft an eight-pack out of that gut, losers.

Amber Portwood: Stealing Back Baby Leah!

Is Teen Mom star Amber Portwood stealing back her baby daughter, Leah? Was her baby ever not with her in actuality? It's all very much unclear, but hey.
If you're OK! Magazine, these details don't get in the way of good copy. The celeb gossip tabloid reports in its new cover story that Amber's hatched a plan.
For the past two weeks, the mag says, every time Leah, saw a young woman with brown hair, she called her "mommy." Amber Portwood? Devastated.

STEALING LEAH: Amber Portwood allegedly is. Or was. It's unclear.

“Leah would look around and say, ‘Amber, Amber, mommy, mommy,’” says Andrew Swan, BFF of the baby’s father, Gary Shirley. “It was breaking my heart.”
Then finally, on October 31, Amber swooped in to reclaim Leah, spending Halloween with her and claiming she'll do what it takes to get her life together.
Despite freaking the f*%k out on occasion, Amber believes she can do a better job than Gary when it comes to raising Leah, a source says. Right.
Anyway, she has Leah back, but can Amber Portwood really change? How long will it be until the next police report? Stay tuned, people. Stay. Tuned.

Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal: Happy, Friendly, Eating Ice Cream!

Friends say Taylor Swift is a lot more serious about her career these days than she is about Jake Gyllenhall.
But that hasn't stopped these two from taking their quasi romance out west.

A week after they were initially spotted around New York City, Swift and Gyllenhaal spent Halloween weekend in California. Late on Monday, witnesses saw the pair stop for an ice cream at a shop in Santa Barbara.
"They looked at all the flavors and couldn't decide, so they asked the counter girls for help," a staffer told Us Weekly of the duo, who were described as "happy" and "friendly."
The celebs' ice cream choices? Drum roll, please... Swiss chocolate chip for Jake and yogurt with rainbow sprinkles for Taylor. Gyllenhaal paid for both.
Onlookers also say the pair posed happily for photos in the parking lot and "smiled a ton." Swift does have one million reasons to be pleased, too: her new album has already sold that many copies.

Levi Johnston: Sarah Palin "Not Qualified" To Be President

Levi Johnston just can't resist.
Once again going after his arch-nemesis and baby mama's mama, he says Sarah Palin is "not qualified" to be President of the United States of America.
Palin is not officially seeking that office and may never do so, but why let that stop you if you're Levi and forever linked to the former Alaska Governor.

Seeking Sarah's old position, Levi's not afraid to bash his rival.

Johnston, who's hilariously running for Sarah's old job of mayor of Wasilla, Alaska, was commenting on her response to inquiries about a White House bid.
"If there's nobody else to do it," was how Sarah assessed her chances of running. As an American and her grandson's father, Levi Johnston was unmoved.
"That makes no sense because someone always runs for President," he notes. "[Sarah] wouldn't go through with a campaign even if she was nominated."
Burn.
As for his own platform for political change, which he famously lacked on The View last month, it doesn't just involve bashing the hell out of Sarah Palin.
Levi's rep tells us Levi will focus on "better schools, less crime and more jobs for citizens of Wasilla and neighboring Palmer." That's a vote for America!

Shannon Tavarez Passes Away

Shannon Tavarez, a young actress who won a featured role on Broadway in The Lion King, lost her battle with leukemia earlier this week. She was 11.
The sixth-grader's plight became well-documented earlier this year when her quest to find a suitable bone marrow donor caught the eye of celebrities.
Several stars, including Alicia Keys, Rihanna and 50 Cent, were particularly moved, and appealed to fans to register as donors for Shannon Tavarez.

R.I.P. Shannon Tavarez (1999-2010).

Shannon's death was first reported via statement from Steven and Alexandra Cohen Children’s Medical Center of New York, where she passed away.
In The Lion King she played young Nala, a lion cub who was the best friend of Simba, the show’s lead character. She beat out hundreds for the role.
“She was fearless, as a performer and as a young woman,” Ron Vodicka, the production manager for The Lion King, said in an interview Tuesday.
“She was never intimidated and she was constantly happy. After she was diagnosed, all she talked about was when she could come back.”
Surfing legend Andy Irons also died this week. May both rest in peace.

Bret Michaels Denies Doing Tish Cyrus

Bret Michaels has had sex with many, many, many, many, many, many women.
But he's adamant in this stance: Tish Cyrus is NOT one of them.
The rocker woke up today to allegations that he broke up Tish and Billy Ray Cyrus by having an affair with Miley's mom, a charge he denies. This is what the singer's rep had to say in response to the rumor:

"The reports of my client having an affair with Tish are completely unfounded and a complete fabrication.

"Bret has been a close friend of the family for some time and has worked with Miley. It's unfortunate that the sad breakup of Billy Ray and Tish has to be further tainted with these lies being reported."

"New" Michael Jackson Songs: Real or Fake?

Sony is releasing a Michael Jackson album this Christmas, featuring 10-12 original songs. The reason this is noteworthy? His kids say some of the tracks are bogus!
Five of the tracks were recorded at the New Jersey home of record producer named Eddie Cascio, where Michael and his children stayed for four months in 2007.
Many tracks were recorded then, plus remixes that were released on the Thriller 25 album. But the children say the soon-to-be-released ones aren't real.

FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE: Is Michael's "new" music real or fake?

Michael Jackson's kids, who are also in the news because of an upcoming interview with Oprah this Monday, believe the Cascio tracks in question are fakes.
The theory is they were performed by a Michael Jackson sound-alike instead. Hard to believe? Maybe, but MJ's oldest, Prince Michael Jackson, is adamant.
He says he was upstairs at the Cascio's house when many tracks were recorded and heard the music, none of which match the Sony tracks, he says.
Paris Jackson is equally adamant that her father's voice is not the one on the tracks in question. Jackson's estate begs to differ, however, saying they're legit.
The estate, managed by executors and former MJ associates John McClain and John Branca, claims sound experts conclusively noted that the tracks are real.
People connected with Sony say the kids may be getting "manipulated" by Katherine Jackson and other family members who don't want the album released.
Neither scenario would surprise us, really. We haven't heard any of the new tracks, but as soon as we do, we'll post them right here and let you be the judge.

Fashion Face-Off: Naomi Watts vs. Rosario Dawson

Two women that scarcely make celebrity gossip headlines are in the news today.
That's because Naomi Watts and Rosario Dawson each donned the same Stella McCartney gown for public events over the last few weeks.
The former chose a shade of pink for the Met Costume Institute gala, while the latter went with periwinkle at the premiere of Unstoppable.
You know what comes next, right? Compare the looks below and then vote:

LeAnn Rimes on Eddie Cibrian Affair: No Regrets!

LeAnn Rimes says her decision to have the affair with Eddie Cibrian that ended both their marriages is complicated and people shouldn't rush to judgment.
Brandi Glanville will beg to differ when she sobers up.
"What happened is not who I am, period," Rimes says on In the Spotlight with Robin Roberts: All Access Nashville, airing Wednesday at 10 p.m. on ABC. "But I know how much I love him. I've always said I don't live my life with regret. I can't."

Home-wrecker or not, LeAnn Rimes has no regrets.

LeAnn and Eddie's scandalous fling began last year while shooting the Lifetime flick, Northern Lights. He was married to Glanville, and she to Dean Sheremet.
"It happens every day to so many people," Rimes says, trying to justify the affair. "If I take away my album sales, my words, you have just another couple."
"You had two couples whose marriages didn't work and who really stumbled upon each other and fell in love. I can't change [critics'] minds. Nothing I'm going to say is going to change it. I do know that and I have accepted that."
Eddie Cibrian seconds that notion: "The truth is that we're human beings. We make mistakes and we learn from them, but we're human. We fell in love."
"We're talking about something that's over a year, year and-a-half old, really, and we're still together, and we're madly in love," the actor continues.
"I think people are finally seeing that, but it doesn't mean people will accept it or tabloids will stop printing lies and try to tear us apart, tear us down."
Adds Rimes, who is not engaged to Eddie Cibrian, "We're really happy in what we feel privately. We hope one day, I think people will feel publicly."
Contrary to other reports, Rimes doesn't break down in tears defending any railing. She cries when asked about her book, What I Cannot Change.
"That was my life!" she says, of her music career, crying. "I'm learning who I am without it and that's the coolest thing about my life right now."
These days, music isn't the burden that it used to be.
"There's been a lot thrust on my shoulders at a very young age. I - thank God. I don't know how I could have handled it, but I have and I'm still here."

Katy Perry: Russell Brand a "Great Man of God"

Russell Brand is pretty awesome, and it's hard to blame Katy Perry for gushing about her new husband. But deifying the man, that we didn't see coming.
Katy Perry and Russell Brand just got married in India last month. The sexy pop star told Harper’s Bazaar: “I always knew I wanted a great man of God."
"Someone who's an inspiration for people and also a lovely husband and father. We’re at different places in our lives, but we can still grow together.

Okay, maybe Katy's got a point. Look at the man.

Of her spouse, Katy continues, “He’s thought-provoking, articulate, a real advocate. I also definitely wanted to have a laugh. I have all that in him.”
Perry, who describes herself as a 10 out of 10 in bed, also talked to the mag about her unique fashion style, body image and what makes her tick.
“I’m kind of a good girl, and I’m not,” Perry says.
“I’m a good girl because I really believe in love, integrity, and respect. I’m a bad girl because I like to tease. I know I have sex appeal in my deck of cards. But I like to get people think­ing. That’s what the stories in my music do."
While Perry is part of a new wave of female music stars like Lady Gaga, Rihanna and Fergie, she considers them more like sisters than competitors.
She says: “We’re all unique. That’s why we all win and we all can exist. People don’t want just vanilla. They want 31 flavors. I couldn’t do what Rihanna does. I couldn’t do what Lady Gaga does, and they can’t do what I do.”
Good attitude, KP. One thing they definitely can't do? Russell Brand. He's spoken for, thankyouverymuch. Somehow we actually think it'll last, too.

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt: Bankrupt?!

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt claim they've blown $10 million and are behind $2 million in taxes, considering filing for bankruptcy and have no place to live.
While we don't believe anything the gruesome twosome says, that music "career" had to be a huge financial disaster, and 120 plastic surgeries can't be cheap.
"We were immature, worrying too much about [fame] instead of the business part," Spencer tells Life & Style, which likely paid for the right to speak to him.

BROKE AS A JOKE? We're not buying it. If Speidi's out of cash, where did he get that sweet staff? It doesn't add up, people. [Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have spent any money. We should have been low-key and saved ... I've looked into bankruptcy and unemployment checks."
If Spencer Pratt gets an unemployment check, we're moving to Canada.
Heidi and Spencer never imagined The Hills wouldn't still be successful four years after its 2006 debut, which is absurd, since that's actually a long run.
So when the final season was cut from 20 episodes to 10 and they weren't paid for the 10 unaired episodes they were inexplicably booted from, well ...
Times apparently got tough.
"We thought The Hills would be like 90210 and we'd have 5-10 years," Spencer says. "The ratings were consistent, but we never saw Jersey Shore coming."
Seriously, who did bro?
"At our lowest point, I considered posing for nude pictures in Playboy," says Heidi Montag, who previously posed for the magazine. What stopped her now?
Spencer's parents' appeal for her to keep her clothes on in exchange for living in their guesthouse. "I feel like I'm 14 years old again," Spencer Pratt says.
We're just surprised they haven't disowned him.
"My parents are my lifeline," he says, and Heidi adds that "Spencer's parents go to the grocery store for us once a week, and that's all that we get."
"We don't want sympathy," Spencer says. "We did this to ourselves and feel like idiots. But we've grown up and are definitely not as naive anymore."
Eh, anyone buying this nonsense? Seems like it's a fake ploy for sympathy to us, much like their previous fake sex tapes, divorces, marriages, etc.
Oh well, glad to hear they're happy at least!

Kendra Wilkinson Cries About Fake Single Parenthood

Kendra Wilkinson is a single mother.
If being a single mother means living apart from your husband for a few months while he rakes in six figures, that is.
In the latest issue of Life & Style, the tabloid cover mainstay plays up the rumored trouble in her marriage to Hank Baskett by crying about how difficult it is to live in Los Angeles while he plays football for the Minnesota Vikings.

"Not having Hank around hurts," Kendra tells the magazine. "Moving across the country by myself makes me think of my own mom who raised me and my brother alone. Hank's not going to be [away] forever, but with him not physically here, I'm a single parent now."

It's a good thing for Kendra this interview didn't take place during the Vikings' bye week, huh? She wouldn't be able to make that statement otherwise.

In closing, Wilkinson says she'll do anything for her family, even make up scenarios in order to garner sympathy from ignorant Life & Style readers. To wit, she lies:

"I'm going to go back to the minus-2-degree weather to spend Thanksgiving, baby Hank's 1st birthday and Christmas in a small one bedroom hotel room with my husband and son. That's all that matters to me."

A couple points of interest: the average low temperature in Minnesota in November is 25 degrees, not negative two. Also, the minimum salary in the NFL this season is $325,000. It's unclear why the couple would be staying in a one bedroom hotel room.

Dancing With the Stars: A Bristol Palin Conspiracy

Bristol Palin is now in the final five on Dancing With the Stars.
Who will she outlast next? Rick Fox's elimination last night, and Audrina Patridge shockingly getting the heave-ho the week before prove that no one is safe.
The question is how it's even possible. Sure, she's better than David Hasselhoff or The Situation. But Rick and Audrina had the moves and the flair, and Bristol doesn't even want to be there. Her words and body language have said as much.

STILL STANDING: Week after week, Bristol Palin beats superior Dancing With the Stars competition. How long can it go on? Could she actually win this thing?!

It's still a stretch to think that she could best Brandy and Jennifer Grey to actually win DWTS, but another week or two? Doesn't seem impossible right now.
Her talent is average at best, her effort mediocre, and fan support ostensibly lacking. What gives? There has to be some sort of diabolical plot at work here.
A couple of Bristol Palin conspiracy theories:

• Sarah Palin has the entire Tea Party movement and everyone on her PAC email list dialing and robo-texting like madmen after every episode.
• ABC rigs the results so she stays and we give the show free publicity with ridiculous articles like this one. Game, set, match, network execs!
• Their Russian neighbors are voting around the clock.
• Voters fear an attack by a swarm of Mama Grizzlies.
• Christine O'Donnell cast a spell on DWTS phone lines.
• The Teen Mom demographic is bigger than realized.

Hiccup Girl's Hiccups Return in Court Hearing

Jennifer Mee, a.k.a. Hiccup Girl, had uncontrollable hiccups awhile back, thus earning her that great nickname. Then she likely killed someone. Now they're back.
Karma and/or unexplained gastrointestinal spasms are a bitch.
An emotional court hearing on Tuesday triggered a return of Jennifer Mee's infamous hiccups. Facing a first-degree murder charge, Mee began sobbing, then involuntarily hiccupping, during the testimony of her alleged victim's cousin.

HELP MEE: Jennifer wishes you would, legally or with the damn hiccups.

According to police, Jennifer Mee and two other men allegedly lured Shannon Griffin from his house, robbed him of the $60 in his wallet, then shot him.
Tuesday, Griffin's cousin, Doug Bolden, testified about the alleged encounter between them. He said his cousin, who moved from Mississippi, was "smiling" as he talked of going to meet Mee, whom he had reportedly met online.
"The thought that he was lured into a predatorial situation is tragic."
Mee's mother, Rachel Robidoux, also testified on Tuesday, telling the court that her daughter had a learning disability, had the mental capacity of a 12-year-old and was illiterate. Mee and her alleged conspirators have been held without bail.
On Tuesday, her lawyer, John Travena, asked the judge to reduce her bond and release Mee into her parents' custody. A decision is expected on Friday, barring any legal hiccups. Sorry, that was so wrong. But maybe a little funny?